Too Many Thoughts...

I have been wrestling with a lot of my own personal thoughts these past few days. I want to share them with you all as it is something our team has discussed as well. I now welcome you into a glimpse of our evening debrief sessions...
I’ve been struggling with the amount of poverty that I’ve seen here. It’s not about the ‘poverty’ itself, but trying to determine what poverty actually is. I believe there are two kinds. The first, actual poverty. The second, poverty that is only viewed as poverty because of where I grew up. Let me explain, I feel like I view some of the things I’ve seen here as “poverty” only because it’s simply not up to the standards that I’m used to at home. I struggled with these thoughts while in Asia too. A ‘nice house’ here in Kinshasa would be considered unliveable by many back in North America. But is it really? I’m finding myself angry at where I come from. Every day as I walk through these streets I find myself thinking that most of the people in my life would not survive here. North America could not live like this because we’ve gotten soft. What we view as ‘nothing’ is actually ‘everything’ to about 90% of the other people that live on this planet. Funny thing is, I think the 90% is right. We don’t need everything we’ve determined important. We only think so because we’re used to fighting for a higher place on our ladder of success. That’s north American culture. The people here live day by day. It’s exhausting to live ‘long term’ here. Life here is hard. North America lives ‘long term’. We plan and create strategies that would best suite us 30 years from now. Ugh. As I mentioned in an earlier post, It cost us $16 to feed us and an entire orphanage of 50 kids. That’s what I spend at subway for one meal. AHH! One meal vs. 56. How is that even remotely fair? I’m losing my mind thinking about this stuff. And so I ask myself, what did Jesus do with the poor? We talked about this during one of our ‘team times’ this past week. The answer is simple. He hung out with them. He talked to them. He sat and ate and drank with them and probably laughed with them. He humanized the poor. There was no line of who deserved what. And this is now my new goal for the rest of my time here. I’m not here to change anything. They don’t need changing. They need help building and sustaining resources. Yes, they need water, a sewage system, and garbage disposal. They need these things for a healthier life. But they don’t need to be ‘changed’! They don’t need a Pritchard farm house, 5 cars on the driveway or a Whiskey Dix downtown. It would ruin this culture. I want to barf thinking about making the rest of our world just like us. The longer I’m in places like these, the more I believe they should come teach us. The people here ‘just be’. They enjoy life. However, they absolutely need our help. We can help with a healthier lifestyle. This is where our team struggles the most. The feeling of guilt. The feeling that we are a huge part of the problem. However, I have stopped feeling guilty for the following reason. God has entrusted us with much, so more should be expected of us. I can DO more because of where God decided I should live. God has given all of us the resources to help. I believe this guilt should be turned into action. He’s entrusted us to help, so get moving! We need to appropriately use what has been given to us. My feeling of guilt has almost turned into a feeling of like, ‘Hey, this is awesome, God thinks I can bless people with the stuff he’s given me, he trusts me, I’m so lucky, why am I not doing more’. Having re read this, I see that I did some North American bashing. I didn’t mean to. I’m still processing all of this, but it’s hard because there is no time to process here. We live in it and experience this 24/7. Too much to think about all the time. Sometimes our team times are spent in a lot of silence because we don’t even know what to say. I do see a ton of good in North America, just so you all know. I love seeing how God is using people to bless others in North America and around the world. For example, I don’t think my Aunti Laura can fit another sponser child on her fridge. My mother lives to serve other people. My sister is all over any opportunity to help poor colored children. I work at a church and see the way God is working through the many ministries at Eastview. It’s all awesome! But we can do more, and should be. I think most of my family thinks I’m the ‘crazy’ one. Always leaving, never being home, and questioning why I like to do things like this, etc. I’m not crazy. Haha. This isn’t something I’ll just ‘get out of my system’. I am realizing though, that I do too much. I fill my schedule with things that pack it full and I’m not sitting back and enjoying life. Maybe that’s why I love it here.
Anyways, I think I just blurted out a million thoughts that probably don’t make sense and I think maybe even contradict each other. I’ve never journaled more than I have since being here. I’ve never had so many thoughts or revelations. I’ve never spent more time praying. I’ve never had a desire to read the bible as much as I do here. I’m at the peak of my happiness here. I’m not looking forward to coming home. Is that bad? (I’ve also never realized how poor my grammer is. Just know I notice it, just simply don’t care to change it. Ha)
This past week has been pretty intense. Our days were spent between working at an orphanage and working in the community of Camluka, one of the poorest areas in Kinshasa. We spent our Saturday taking the kids from the orphanage on a field trip to see the bonabo’s (one of the world’s four great apes). We rented a ‘bus’ haha, and piled it full with kids, staff and our team. We trekked into the jungle which was awesome. The kids LOVED it. I shouldn’t laugh, but I will, because Jeff and Alyssa got peed on by children on the bus. Haha. Today we are off to Kintambo for church where we are actually singing in the choir. We are singing in ‘Kicongo’. We don’t know the language, but we have the words and have been practising. It’s for sure being videotaped, don’t worry. This next week we begin work with leve toi, a home for the mentally disabled. We will spend a few days doing physical labour as we help build a new building for the ministry. We are also teaming up with a local churches’ youth group (which I’m stoked for) and we will also spend an hour on television this Friday with Sango Malamu. AH! So exciting!
Prayer requests? Pray for energy. I think we are just feeling very tired lately. Pray for rest. Pray that we don’t let a lack of energy determine our attitudes as we go from place to place. Pray that we would continue to have a blast out here and continue to just be a part of this city and it’s people. Bah!
Team Congo